Lost & Found: 3 questions to ask when Rebuilding your New Normal after LOSS
“It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.”
Hey Frands!
If I had to describe the last year and some change into one word, the category would definitely be: LOSS.
My mother passed away in January from congestive heart failure. She was 57 years young and left behind a legacy embodied in her 5 living children and 2 grandbabies, along with a timeless imprint in so many lives. Losing her has been the single catastrophic experience of my life that there was no recovery from… at least, that’s how I felt.
Simultaneously, my corporate career as a business analyst at IBM came to an involuntary end with an upcoming layoff. After 6 years in a position that had clearly assisted in defining my career, thus far, I found myself jobless and completely at a LOSS of words on what my next move should be. Add on my relationship going thru its own cycle of WTF and just feeling and overall disconnect with everything & everybody basically,
I felt, Life was doing the absolute MOST for no damn reason…. Have you ever been there?
What I came to see was that losing so much provides a space to build. Being in a position for so long can leave you stagnant and clinging to what you’re familiar with because it feels so comfortable and change is so uncertain. So, I needed to figure out what was the purpose of all of this. I searched for the answers in devotionals, Sarah Jakes Roberts’ sermons, a few therapy appointments and one-sided conversations with God looking for some type of point to all this losing and none of that shit worked.
I was angry and in a dark place where I really didn’t want to deal with anyone or all the feels I was going through. It looked like what I needed most was time and to ask myself some hard questions.
Lost and Found:
3 questions to help you through Life after LOSS.
Transitioning after extreme changes and loss can take time. There is no certain amount of time to set when it comes to healing but one must allow themselves the space to do so. That means a lot of it is spent thinking and praying and having more conversations with myself asking:
Who am I now?
Why did this have to happen?
Where do I go from here?
I didn’t find the answer to my questions in the first few months. Hell, to be honest, I wasn’t even looking for them and STILL haven’t found them all. What I did find was that I welcomed the silence. It was a blessing to go to through the layoff at the time that I did because it allowed me to process life after my mother’s death without the hassle of having to deal with “peopling” on a regular and fortunately, a layoff set me up where I didn’t have to stress about money for a little while. So I had plenty of time to think and feel and boy, did I ever!
In the silence, I cried, prayed and cried some more and so on… and in between, I slowly found that in the process of losing so much( my mom, my career, stability), there was a space to define my steps. Where did I want to be? What did I want to do to live up to my mother’s legacy? Space was open to being filled and all I needed to do was decide with what and put forth action in doing so!
That’s why, before jumping back into the corporate world, I’ve decided to launch my own business endeavors such as this blog! ALOHA! And my resell boutique… Denise & Friends Vintage Boutique. I’ve also relocated to Washington DC, reuniting with my love and also ready to find my new adventure! A year and some change later, I am still not done yet figuring it all and will never replace what I have lost, I am making ways.
But the truth of the matter is that in life, things will always change and we will LOSE, here and there but you can not let fear lead you. Change is where we find our purpose. It's where we find the strength and passion to ask those hard questions and provide the toughest answers, just to make sure we are truly where we want to be. Even if it has us unsure and scared.....
Walking into new seasons like these, you must keep your head high and confidence strong. There will be times when you feel all alone and will wallow in your sorrow and feel right pitiful. But emotions aside, you have to see this is the perfect time for you to focus on your own growth. Whether launching that business, going back to school, starting that lifestyle change or getting a therapist to talk this ish out, it is the perfect time to focus, not on what you have lost, but what you have gained, your most important asset, YOU!!
To the doors the keys will open!
xoxo
Kiki
How do you manage your experience and feelings when you go through loss?
